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Their was one ray of light that pierced through the shades of my room that morning.  As if God was trying to poke me in the eye with its shimmer to wake me up.  It was not any other day, it was THIS DAY… the day in which I was to hold my daddy and just confirm to him that all will be well.  My face pouted when the red dots were still over it.  I figured some cover up would do the trick…

Stepping out of the bed I felt strong.  An urge of strength swept over me that truly was supernatural.  I was proud of myself for not spending the night crying and moaning in sorrow, but felt peace that only God was able to give.  My husband, my friend, my love held me all night just to make sure I was doing fine… sweetly his prayers filled my ears as I slept.  No doubt, that was God’s way of bringing me peace.

I was up.  Got dressed and just prayed for God’s lips to speak through mine.  I didn’t want to be this sobbing baby girl today, I wanted to bring strength to the strongest man I knew….

————-

My husband took me by the hand and squeezed tight as he knew this was not going to be easy.  Silently we walked up and their before me was my hero in all his glory, my Papi.  Inside of me I wanted to sob and show him my fears of loosing him… the fear that no doubt, hinges in some corner of all of us.  With his beautiful smile, his eyes tenderly took me in to his arms.  He knew how I felt yet; I strongly believe He felt my strength as I held myself together. 

“Papi, we got you, God has your back… I love you….” I told him this while his smile was fierce and strong.  “Yo se mi nena (I know my little girl)”.  As if, who would know the one to give strength at this one moment was him.  My Papi became fierce.  He was undoubtedly the strongest man I knew.  Nothing penetrated him.  I know it was hard to hear his news from the doctors, yet I think he prepared for our meet just as well as I did. 

We walked upstairs to his kitchen where we all sat down.  Tenderly embracing each other and hearing my mother through tears that floated constantly from her eyes, the process and decisions they would soon have to take.  My father nodded here and there, but spoke none.  When my mother was done, holding each other’s hands, his stare was on me… love spoke through those gorgeous eyes of tenderness and hope.

“Their is no God greater than my God.  God didn’t put this on me, yet it is He who will help me through this process.  I have no doubt… I don’t want you to be afraid.”  He spoke with me and I felt 10 years old all over again.  It was amazing, reassuring, wonderful… I knew if my daddy was to leave me, was because he was going to choose it.  No one else and NOTHING else.  After all he promised me as a child that he wouldn’t. 

The evening turned quickly into laughter and love.  No more fears of ‘what could be’ ‘what if’s’ filled the air.  My spirit rejoiced when it was reminded, “the joy of the Lord is my strength”.  In this case, it was all of our strengths… Leaving that night I was once again reassured of the all-powerful ‘Great I AM’.  He’s not this folkloric character to keep us scared… He’s our creator who loves us.  In that alone, I left pleased. 

Until the next post on {Papi}

– Cynthia

p.s. This is the third page on {Papi}, Click here for page 1, click here for page 2.